End of the Carnival Ride

Radiation machine, with the custom holder for my head. This is the machine I’ve been visiting M-F for the last few weeks.


The song below is taken from a long comp (120 songs) which some electronic musicians donated their tracks to so that sales would go to Macmillan Cancer Support. I’ve found this album to be a good one to listen to when it’s hard to fall asleep at night.

Next week is my last week of chemo and radiation. I’ve been looking forward to this treatment being over, but now I’m having second thoughts about that. Right now while there are various reasons why going through chemo/radiation treatment sucks, at least I feel that something is actively attacking the cancer that wants to grow in my head. There is some security in the treatment I didn’t really recognize I was relying on until today.

Once the treatment stops, I feel like the personal treatment becomes about trying to stay as positive as possible and not imagining the cancer continuing to grow in my head. From what the docs say I think I’m supposed to understand and plan out that it’s only a matter of time, but I don’t know how healthy it is to think that way. There are some things I have to plan out and get finalized in legal docs and the like regarding my healthcare and how my physical material is distributed, but besides that I’d really like to find a way to not focus on the fact that the docs have said that this cancer is terminal and will eventually kill me.

One medical treatment that I will be going through the rest of my life is taking chemo meds for a week each month to help slow the growth of the tumor. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to rely on that treatment as a foundation for continued fighting.

Music Mix from June 2015

Most of you know that each month I try and put together a mix of tracks for friends and family. I try not to send out my mixes to folks who probably wouldn’t enjoy the selections. While not everyone will enjoy these mixes, I thought I’d go ahead and post them up just in case it’s something you might end up liking.

This month’s mix has more of a punk/alternative theme to it.

  1. Radioactivity – Sickness
  2. Champ – Burnt Alive
  3. Shine 2009 – Older
  4. Nisho – Over De Trees (Arovane Remix)
  5. Title Fight – Murder Your Memory
  6. Nothing – Somersault
  7. The Holydrug Couple – If I Could Find You (Eternity)
  8. Emil Rottmayer – Emil’s Theme
  9. SelloRekt/LA Dreams – Drop Top
  10. Citizen – Heaviside
  11. Nothing – B&E

Download the tunes

Mohawk V2

First some appropriate music to accompany this post. Some uplifting shoegazin’ metal.

Well I started losing some hair in my Mohawk, so I had to make some style modifications. I now¬†have a bar towards the back of my head and a gap in the front. I’m being stubborn about this hair cut. I’ve noticed that I’m losing more and more hair as the days go by recently, but I’m going to keep as much of this going as possible until the last hair falls out. Theeennnn the fake hair may or may not be deployed. ^_^

It would look cool to have two pong paddles on either side of my head and have the ball go through that gap. I might do that one day this week for the techs to see.

It looks like I have a docking station for a space craft on the front of my head now ^_^


I started using a lint roller to keep track of how much hair I was losing at any given time. I compare the sheets each day to check on the rate of lose. I like doing this activity in front of Alex since it looks so silly.

Music: Your Heart Still Beating

A few months ago I put this track by Lower Dens on one of my monthly mixes. It really hit home with me because I was worried about a health incident that Alex had that took us to the emergency room that seemed very serious. Thankfully Alex was deemed a-ok after getting some scans done by the docs. Now when I hear this song though I feel like I’m on the other side of the table, and this song is for Alex.

So Alex, my heart is still beating here and I am looking forward to spending another day with the bestest wife in the whole world!

Music: Drop Top

You probably all know that I’m a big synthwave fan. The last two yearly mixes I’ve put together have been solely in that genre. One of the most prolific artists in the genre came out with a good track recently that I’ve been enjoying quite a bit. This is good for 80’s aerobic workouts if that’s your thing.

Video: My Girls

So over the last few weeks I’ve been working on mixes for friends and family. This song still makes me super happy, and is going out to a mix to all my friends. I don’t care if this band is the definition¬†of hipster.

Music: Burnt Alive

Since getting home from the hospital I’ve been reverting in years in both my clothes and music. Here’s a song that’s been on repeat recently.